For my beautiful friend, B.E.D.
Replace fear with faith, forgiveness for resentments, and love where there is hate. I believe in you so much and can feel your success…..
DO YOU KNOW….
Do you know what it is like to hate yourself??
I do too…
Do you know what it is lik to hide in a bathroom and do drugs while your little daughter is knocking on that bathroom door asking you to play wit…h her??
I do too…
Do you know what it is like to do drugs when you have told yourself that you are not going to do them time after time?
I do too…
Do you know what it is like to feel isolated and alone and a prisoner of your own domain?? I do too…
Do you know what it is like to stay up for days on end, not thinking you are sick and need help?? I do too..
Do you know what it is like to lie to everyone, hate everyone, and want to die?? I do too…
Do you know what it is like to drink enough alcohol that your blood alcohol level is high enough to be fatal, and then keep doing it?? I do too…
Do you know what it feels like to wake up in the morning, so sick, you immediately hit the bottle and/or the drugs so you can feel better?? I do too…
Do you know what it is like to be angry and resentful at someone because they confront you about your problem and genuinely want to help?? I do too…
Do you know what it is like to suffer great losses because of your drinking and drugging and not care about any of them?? I do too…
Do you know what it is like to reach a point of paranoia that you sleep with knives?? I do too..
Do you know what it is life to accept less than and then become in your own mind, less than?? I do too..
Do you know what it is like to live each day of your life with no direction, always lost and without a moral compass?? I do too..
Do you know what it is like to look at yourself in the mirror and see nothing but a monster??
Have you ever asked yourself how this happened to you and receive no answer to your question? I have too..
Have you ever passed judgement on someone for their drinking and/or drugging without ever accepting reaponsibility for your own?? I have too…
But I also now know the other side of life, the sober side!!! I know all of these above examples were sadly portrayed because of my untreated addictions and alcoholism. If you have done these things, or even one of them, is it not time to get help? I, by the grace of God, and only by the grace of Him, have not portrayed any of these behaviors in over seven years and I got these seven wonderful years by way of “one day at a time” and doing the work that is necessary to stay sober. If you are willing to do the work, if you have faith in yourself as small as a mustard seed, and have the utmost desire to stay sober and clean, then you too never have to endure this self inflicted pain again. I am looking for people to join me on the journey that is called sobriety…Anyone in the world, even the people who think they can not do it or are not worthy of it, can join me!!!!!
Lets do this people!!!
Rich Barnes
www.richfulthinking.com