One person, 2 mindsets….Which one is you? Which one do you feel is more conducive of living a happy and content life….
Sitting alone by the ocean, the waves crash down not only on the sand in front of me, but inside my head as well, beating it insidiously. Am I ok or is life just getting the best of me? Is my brain playing the insane tricks on me that it used to years ago, telling me that I am useless, that I am a loser, that I am not worth being happy? On the scale of life, are the cons starting to tip the scale more so than the pros? Is that intense anger starting to rear its ugly head at every opportunity that it sees? Are my shoulders not only carrying more weight than they are supposed to, but weighing me down to the point of no return? Am I dreaming? Am I having a nightmare? What Am I going to do with all of these feelings? Do I express them or do I do the stupid thing and temporary thing and bury them, only to hit me harder later? Do I talk about it? Do I let them all go? My confusion, my thoughts, and my life are creating what seems to be a giant negative vortex that seemingly is sucking me in!! Do I let go and succumb? Do I let the whirlwind of negativity get inside me and take over? Do I let it suck the life out of me, after all, living in the darkness of life takes no work and is so much easier than all of the work it takes to be happy, right? Do I allow the bad to overshadow the good, instantly erasing the life that I have built up over the last 9+ years while being in recovery? Does the day not seem to have enough hours, minutes, or seconds I need to accomplish all I need to accomplish? What if it doesn’t and I fail at what I put my heart and soul into? Am I a failure? If I am a failure, does that make me a quitter? If I quit on “something”, what happens to that “something”? Boy o boy, my brain just will not stop thinking!!!
Sitting alone by the ocean, the waves crash down on the sand, creating a calming peace in my mind. I realize that life and myself, are certainly ok. I have changed my thought process and realized that life can no longer get the best of me and in fact, I am the ruler of my own life. I am a useful, I am a winner, and I am so worth being happy because I feel it in my heart!!! The scale of life that used to exist, no longer is useful because I became grateful for everything in my life, both positive and negative, and there are no longer any cons of life because I AM ALIVE!!!! I know today, anger is a choice and I choose not to be angry any longer because it is useless and affects everyone in the radius of my fury!! I do whatever I can and will never allow the weight of life get the best of me. My mind and heart will take the burden off my shoulders and I will prevail over anything! Sometimes, I feel as though my life is nothing but a dream. Gone are the nightmares that used to hold me back from living life the way it is supposed to be lived, happily, free,, and full of love. It is amazing that I can now share, and not bury all of my emotions, good and bad, with the people who will not judge me and/or love me and for the people who judge me, you do not matter to me because I know who I am!! No longer do I allow that silly little vortex that I, the sole creator of, suck me in but instead, I have created my own vortex of love, peace, gratitude, serenity, benevolence, and kindness!!! I have also found out one very important thing about life, life is not easy but the rewards from doing some hard work are endless. You reap what you sow in life and I choose to sow only great things and when I do that, centered with a steadfast positive mindset, the good will always overshadow the bad!! Also, when I approach each day with a mindset that I will accomplish everything that comes my way, I have a better outlook at accomplishing it rather than telling myself that the day is too short. I now know that sometimes I cannot finish everything I started but focusing on my accomplishments of the day is not only far more important to me, but much healthier as well. And the most important thing that I know is that no matter how many times I fail at something, whether it be one time or a million times, I know in my heart that I am not a quitter…..
HAVE A SUPER GREAT DAY!!
Rich Barnes