My Life…
A life filled with pain, sadness, and despair,
A life filled with doubts, desperation, and fear.
A life riddled with holes, that started with small cracks,
A life filled with lies, that would always cover my tracks.
A life lost to hate, and resentments as well,
A life lived like no other, I was surely living in my hell.
A life that was lived, deep inside of my own head,
A life that was going to end, because I wished I were dead.
A life I thought was normal, I never knew that I was sick,
A life that one day I prayed, and I would finally hear that big click.
A life I would discover, that I would know nothing about,
A life that would create strength, and finally lose all my doubts.
A life I could never see, because I always covered my eyes,
A life I could never hear, because it was always filled with my own cries.
A life being clean, without any alcohol or drugs,
A life filled with love, some kindness, and hugs.
A life called sobriety, I have found you at last,
A life with drugs and alcohol, I will leave them in my past…
A life finally worth living, and being grateful for it all,
A life on the other side, I have finally broken down that big wall…..
Life is what you make of it. In hindsight of my 28 years of alcohol and drug abuse, I know the decisions that I made were made by me. I accept responsibility for my life but I will also take some of the credit for fixing it almost 7 years ago. I can move forward knowing that I know I am not the same person I once was and can forgive myself for my past. I have attempted to reach out to the people I have hurt and I am still in the probably never ending process of trying to make amends with them and in doing so, I clean my conscience one person at a time. Some have been understanding and some have not but the big thing for me to move forward in my recovery is, (sometimes for someone like me, it is hard to do so) to let the people that do not forgive me go and still move forward with my life. I need to understand (and not get angry) that if they are holding a resentment against me, there is truly nothing I can do about it and just need to pray for them in hopes that they too can find the peace that I did…..Life is not good, life is freakin’ great!!!!!!!!
Have a wicked pissa, super, awesome, unbelievable, miraculous day!!!!!
Rich Barnes